Down Time 4
by Lordoftheghostking28
Summary: Guess what? I'm back! And there's still no Down Time 3! In this unfortunate FanFic; Link, Midna and Navi do random things. Like, for example, meeting the third yeti on Snowpeak who likes to make snow cones. They also discover how terrible the Goron mines are and a strange music box that is being targeted by a ninja girl! Just read it, it'll be better than this summary.
1. Pig Slapping

** I can't believe I let myself write this. But on the bright side, guess what? MOAR DOWN TIME! …and if you remember from my previous Down Time fics…there IS no Down Time three! So I skipped it and went to four! So prepare yourselves…this is the most dumb adventure yet!**

** CHAPTER 1: Pig Slapping.**

** XxXxXxXx**

"All right, honey, your instructions are simple. You have to escort us to Kakariko Village, because all the guards here in castle town are ninnies and maybe that's how Ganondorf got into the castle in the first place and captured Zelda…" Telma trailed off momentarily. "Ah, you know what I mean. Now saddle up, sonny boy, we're off!"

Link looked down at the fat cream colored cat that had sat down on his boots, refusing to leave. Telma skipped out the bar, Ilia following quickly behind. Midna floated out of his shadow and took a solid form.

"_Ahsi diwi diwo?_" She asked.

"As soon as I get the stupid cat off me…" Link tried to move, but the cat hooked its claws into his pant leg and refused to let go. So Link had to drag a fat cat around on his left leg. It slowed him down greatly, but he made it outside; where he got on Epona.

So Midna, Link, Epona, and the fat cream coloured cat made their way across Castle Town, coming to the edge of Hyrule field. Telma, Ilia and the Zora child were already waiting, somehow.

"Hey…what's your name?" Ilia asked from inside the cart. "I mean…you're doing a great thing for us. I aughta know your name."

"I'm Link." Link crossed his fingers behind his back, hoping she would remember him, even a little. Even the bad stuff, if that helped.

"Link…hmmm…sounds familiar…It sorta reminds me of a kid I think I used to know…he talked to his own shadow and shouted at his fairy to 'SHUT THE HELL-O UP!'. Oh, and I think he used to shoot bomb arrows at random cliffs…" She trailed off and fixed Link with a long stare. "I hope you're more mature than that."

"Yes, I am." Link said, hunching over and looking ashamed.

Midna laughed from his shadow. Link hissed something along the lines of 'shut your pie-hole.' Before turning back to Ilia again, who had a disturbed look on her face.

"You ready, honey?" Telma called. "Because I am. I want to reach Kakariko before it's too late."

Link snapped Epona's reigns and he took the lead, even though Ilia's eyes were boring holes into his back as he rode off.

All was well until they came to the bridge. There, on the other end, was PigButt; the ugliest Orc thing ever to walk Hyrule or the Twilight or anything else. He stared at them with his little piggy eyes, and said quite stupidly, "Duuuhhhrr….who're you?"

Link drew his sword, looking all heroic as he lifted it up into the air. "I AM LINK! SAVIOR OF HYRULE AND SWORN PROTECTOR OF ALL-AAAAGH!" He shouted as Epona reared, mostly for effect, sending him falling backwards and onto his neck. The Master Sword clattered out of his grip and nearly fell off the bridge had Navi not saved it.

"Heh. Heh. You funny." PigButt said, scratching his butt. "But I have to kill you now. Sorry, Link; savior of all Hyrule and sworn protector of AAAAGH." He lifted a double-edged axe and came riding at him on a large boar/warthog thing.

"WHOA CRAP!" Link screamed, scrambling onto Epona's back and grabbing the sword from his annoying fairy. Epona took off at PigButt, and Link waved his sword everywhere, terrified but not going to admit it. His sword clanged against PigButt's shield, making the sword almost vibrate out of his grasp again.

PigButt turned and darted for him again. This time, Link was ready. He lifted his sword and slapped PigButt off the bridge into the water, where he preceded to drown.

"Yes! It is safe now!" Link said, lifting his sword in a victory pose. "We can continue on our quest for Kak-AAAAGH!" he fell backwards off Epona again, tumbling over the bridge's edges and into the endlessness below.

He hit the water hard, surfaced and managed to find a island to crawl onto pitifully. Unfortunately, it was already inhabited.

"WE MEET AGAIN, LINK! SWORN PROTECTOR OF AAAGH!" PigButt said evilly, getting into a fighting stance.

Link pulled himself up and got into a similar fighting stance. But there was no way his skinny backside was going to defeat PigButt's bloated one. But then again, he could defeat the mayor of his village, who was a thousand pounds more heavy than him. So of course he had a chance.

PigButt tossed Link into the water, where a piranha tried to eat him.

Midna floated out of his shadow, watching Link's epic battle against the flesh-addicted zombie fish thing. She almost died laughing.

Link got back out of the water and faced PigButt, ready for the worst. His opponent stared at him, and then they fought. It was fierce. It was deadly. It was…it was…

"CATFIGHT!" PigButt cried, waving his hands wildly in Link's face, who did the same to PigButt. It was a sissy fight.

Even the cream coloured cat agreed with the sissy fight. It finally detached itself from Link's leg and attached itself to PigButt's face, who fell backwards into the water and drowned.

Link sorta just stood there for a while before Midna took a solid form and punched him, reminding him of what he was suppost to be doing before the pig slapping took place.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Stick to the plan! Hey! Listen! Stick to the plan! Listen!" Navi chimed in unnecessarily.

"SHUT THE HELL-O UP, STUPID FAIRY!" Link shouted.

"Hey! That's not nice! Hey! Listen! _GET YOUR BUTT BACK UP ON THE BRIDGE_!" Navi's high pitched voice suddenly turned evil and deep.

Link did that.

** Special thanks to Petals in the Breeze for the awesome idea that made this first chapter! I owe everything to them! **

** And thus this takes us to chapter two…(Go to next chapter…)**…


	2. The cursed ride of doom

**CHAPTER 2, the cursed ride of doom.**

**Quick A/N before the true start…**

**This is actually a more adventurous chapter. And it's a mini cliffhanger. It's based upon my awesome ideas and crap. Not too much funny in here, but it all leads up to the next chapter, where the funniness explodes. So read on, Readers…**

It was dark in Hyrule Field. The only inhabitants in the darkness were dragons and Orcs. Also the people in the wagon and on horses. Ilia glanced out one of the wagon's windows, looking around. "Look at that!" she said as the dragons and Orcs descended on them.

Unfortunately, they were all trying to eat the wagon. Apparently cloth tasted good.

"AAAAGH!" Link wailed as a dragon tried to eat his pants. He waved his sword around a ton, hitting nothing. That was when he realized something sort of important.

Gaining on them were more of PigButt's friends. Only they weren't as fat. Link decided to nickname them PigFace One and PigFace Two. They had bows and flaming arrows. This wasn't going to end well.

The first arrow missed the tent and hit Epona's hindquarters, where it magically bounced off like she was a steel horse. Link didn't decide to question the facts as he turned and somehow landed an arrow in PigFace One's boar.

But now there was a third to take PigFace One's place (PigFace Three). And this guy had wicked aim.

"_LINK_!" Ilia screamed as the wagon caught fire, making the dragons and Orcs die of lung cancer. Link turned around again, urging Epona on as he whipped the Gale Boomerang out.

With three throws, the fire was out and Telma tried furiously to get in control of her horse again. Link turned around again to face PigFace Two and Three, but something else caught his attention. There, flying above, was a dragon. But this one was holding something that looked suspiciously like a bomb…

"TELMA! MOVE THE FREAKING HORSE!" Link screamed, aiming at the dragon.

It was too late. The bomb dropped, exploding on contact and sending the horse into a frenzy. It turned left and darted off despite what Telma tried to do to make it go right. Another fiery arrow was shot, hitting the cart and catching the charred cloth on fire again.

"LINK! WE HAVE A ZORA WITH US! THEY DON'T LIKE FIRE!" Ilia continued to scream. "AND NEITHER DO I!"

The horse ran in circles, and it took Link everything he had to keep the PigFaces at bay while Telma worked to get the animal back in control. Eventually Link spied another dragon in the air…holding a bomb…

"OH NO, NOT AGAIN!" Link screamed a battle cry and launched himself off Epona's back, landing over the bomb three milliseconds before it hit the ground and explode.

Link felt the bomb detonate, and the world went darker than it already was.

**Ooooh, epicness, right? Ha, this is so weird. I love writing this. I hope you guys REVIEW!**


	3. That Goddess darned puddle!

**CHAPTER 3, that goddess darned puddle**

"He's dead."

"No, he isn't."

"Then how do you explain that?"

"He's dead."

"He's ALMOST dead. There's a difference."

"Can I poke his dead body with this awesome stick?"

"He's dead."

"NO HE ISN'T!"

Link sat straight up, feeling like someone exploded a bomb underneath him. Oh, wait…that actually happened. He glanced around the room he was in; made of wood and safe from PigButt and his friends.

"You're …_not_ dead." Was all Malo could manage to say.

"Where am I?" He asked slowly.

"Kakariko Village!" Beth said loudly. "You're lucky, because they almost didn't make it!"

"I'm glad you're still alive, Link!" Collin said, throwing a long stick into the corner of the room.

"I feel terrible." Link groaned, sinking back into the pillows. "So how am I still alive?"

"Telma went through your pockets and found something red in a bottle, and she poured it down your throat hoping it wasn't poison. Obviously it wasn't, because you're still here." Malo said creepily.

"Oh." Link muttered.

The hyper children all left, probably to chase some of those chickens around the place. Link was about to go back to sleep when something slapped him.

"_Heuo dsuo duiieon!_" Midna screeched. "_Jdo sduweo dfin uswerh_!"

"I'm still alive. Relax." Link growled.

"_Yodus od ioeps piwjjmd soeiwjn ofddofuo fooa lapsop!_" Midna shouted, clearly stating he could have died and Link guts could be decorating Hyrule field as they spoke.

"Hey! Yeah! You are an idiot for doing that! Hey! You could have died! Hey! Hey! Are you listening? _Listen_!" Navi said annoyingly, landing on Link's toes. "Hey! But anyway, you're a hero! Hey! You saved the Prince of the Zoras!"

"I did _what_?" Link sat up quickly again, making Navi tumble backwards and off the end of the bed.

"Hey! Ow!"

"_Susod siod iodi fuioo fruio quwet Zoras_." Midna said. "_Prince Rallis_,"

"No way…" Link clutched his stomach and fell backwards again. "Ow…So I saved a Prince? Dang, I'm good! Zelda is sure to fall for me now!"

Midna facepalmed and rolled her eyes, thinking to herself that Link was a moron.

"Hey! I think my wing is broken! Hey! Hey! Hey! LISTEN! I BROKE MY WING! _LISTEN_!"

Link rolled over and put the pillow over his ears, ignoring Midna as she poked him, yelled at him, put Navi right next to his face so she could scream at him, threw things at him, broke a board over his head, and stole his hat. He then went to sleep.

**XxXxXxXx**

The Shaman of Kakariko came the next morning to tell Link that the Zora child he had saved was doing very well. He just seemed very depressed…although they didn't know why.

"You, on the other hand…" The Shaman said. "Could use our hot spring on top of the hotel down the road. It's healing powers are extraordinary."

"Hey! Me too, right? Hey!" Navi shouted, looking pitiful.

Link scooped the annoying fairy up and shoved her in his pocket. "Shut up. Anyway, yes, that would be great. Thank you." He said as the guy left.

Midna came from where she was hiding behind the bed. "_Sdyiod dusdi dis_."

"Yeah, I'll talk to Rallis as soon as I feel like I wasn't hit by a boulder." Link got out of the bed, yelling about how stiff he was and how walking all the way down the path was going to kill him. Midna just gave him the evil eye until he acted like a man.

"Hey, Beth, where's the hot spring?" Link called as he exited the building place. Midna dived into his shadow as Beth came running up.

"Up there. Be careful." Beth pointed up into the cliffs, where steam was rising.

"Oh, jeez." Link sighed, looking for a way to get up there. He spotted a chicken, and an idea came into his mind.

"_Oy! No animal cruelty!_" Midna hissed.

"YEAH LISTEN TO HER!" Navi screamed, her voice muffled from Link's pocket.

Link, of course, ignored them both and picked up the chicken thing, where it freaked out and tried to get away. Even though it really hurt to keep his arms raised above his head like that, he limped up a hill and used the chicken to fly over to the hotel's roof.

At least…that was the plan he had in mind. What actually happened was he grabbed the chicken and it pecked at his hands, making him drop it and yell about how he now had eight fingers altogether. Then he dived after the stupid barnyard animal, pulling three muscles and missing the chicken completely. He got a mouthful of dirt for his troubles.

"AAAGH!" Link wailed. "I can't move! IT HURTS!"

Midna fell out of the sky on account of laughing so hard.

As soon as he could stand again, he prepared to capture his chicken. Clawshot in hand, he shot it and dragged it back and raised it proudly above his head, gripping its feet so it couldn't really peck him. Then he ran up a hill and landed on the hotel's roof.

At least…that was the plan he had in mind again. What REALLY happened was he jumped off the hill and glided for about ten seconds before the chicken freaked out and changed direction on him, slamming him into the roof. Link let go and tried to pull himself up, but ended up falling ten feet the ground, cursing loudly.

"THAT GODDESS DARNED PUDDLE ON TOP OF THAT GODDESS DARNED ROOF! WHAT THE HECK?"

At least…that was the 'E' rated version of what he said.

As soon as he could move again, he tackled the chicken and tried again. This time he made it to the other roof and began slowly going up, careful of the beams and stuff lying around. He could see the spring now…it looked like Heaven on Hyrule. He began to run, tripping over a beam and falling to the left, where he fell two stories onto a dirt pile.

Swear words didn't cover this frustration so he just lay there with his head in the dirt screaming bloody murder.

"HEY! THAT REALLY HURT!" Navi screeched from his pocket.

Midna rolled her eyes and held up some red potion. "_Diso dio rejedia bnido._"

Link took it, feeling better but not really in top condition to go slay things. So he went to look for his goddess darned chicken again.

"Hey, Link! Did you go to the spring yet?" Beth asked, running up to meet him.

"I'm _trying_ to get there as we speak." Link growled.

"…You do know there's stairs inside the hotel, right?"

Link screamed some more curses and then followed Beth up the stairs inside the hotel onto the roof, where the spring was. He stripped down to his shorts and practically dived into the water. Navi found her way out of his pocket and crawled into the water, where it magically cured her "broken wing". When Beth wasn't looking, Midna dived in also.

"THIS IS AWESOME!" Link cheered, already feeling better. Unfortunately, it was so awesome that the normal air around the spring was icy cold as Snowpeak so he didn't want to ever get out.

**Meanwhile, up in the Sacred Realm…or wherever the goddesses are**…

_He cursed us!_ Nayru screeched. _I'm going to get him this time! Hero or not, he's getting it!_

_Don't kill him. We sort of need him to save Hyrule. _Din said, sounding bored.

Farore just shrugged.

_Fine._ Nayru growled, conjuring up a lightning storm over Kakariko Village.

**In Kakariko Village**…

"_Ndos idkfo sjiej!_" Midna shouted, pointing up at the sky that was growing dangerously dark.

"Oh, relax. We're fine." Link said, sort of going to sleep.

"Hey! Those look nasty! Hey! Listen! We shouldn't swim during a lightning storm! Hey! LISTEN! THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN FREAKING GOOD! BUT I HATE YOU, SO THIS IS AN EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!" Navi screamed annoyingly.

"Fine, go away."

The two of them hovered over the spring, glancing nervously from the clouds to Link. A flash of lightning came from the sky, and then another. Then Link jumped a mile in the air, screaming about how he just got electrocuted in the butt.

"AAOAAA IT BURNZZ!" He yelled as more lightning struck the water.

Midna started laughing hysterically and Navi nearly fell back into the water.

**XxXxXxXx**

"What happened to you?" The Shaman asked.

"Lightning storm. Hot Spring. 'Nuff said." Link growled, rubbing burn ointment over his arms.

"Oh, ok."

"Hey! He's a moron!" Navi chimed in.

"Be quiet!" Link growled.

**Haha, the end. Not really. More Down Time on the way.**

**XxXxXxXx**

**Unfortunately.**


	4. Rallis is gay and Link is king

** CHAPTER 4: Rallis is gay/Link is king**

** Please note that when Link is in Wolf form, he and Midna speak the same language, so there's no more Twiliese while he's a wolf. **

Over the next few days, Link recovered fully from throwing himself over a bomb and being struck by lightning in a spring. He then went on to do random stuff in Hyrule, in one of which he got a drawing from Ashei from Snowpeak about a monster or something. The Zora kid recovered too, but he was really antisocial and depressed, never really saying much and always slipping off somewhere during the day.

It was on that one fateful day that Link decided to find out where he was going. He turned into a wolf and followed Rallis out of Kakariko Village, towards a small graveyard he didn't even knew existed. Link, Midna and Navi hid behind a tall stone that read '_Here lies Jan I. Tor. May they rest in pieces…I mean peace_' as Rallis glanced behind him to make sure no one was following. He then crouched down and crawled through a large hole in the ground.

"_Let's follow him._" Midna said when she was sure he was on the other side. Link crept out and followed him.

There was a nice pool of water separating them from Rallis, who was crouched by a large gravestone. Link turned back into a human, magically put on his Zora Armor and Iron Boots, and leapt into the water and walked along the bottom of the spring. He resurfaced in his normal Hero clothes next to Rallis, who freaked out and fell into the water.

"Erm…sorry about that." Link pulled him back up.

"It's ok." Rallis said softly.

"Hey, have you seen anything like this before?" Link pulled the picture from his pocket, showing the Prince of the Zoras.

"That looks like the beast-man of Snowpeak! They steal our stinking fish!" Rallis said loudly. "Literally…that's a Reekfish it's holding. Our best fishers can't catch one of those without some of the coral it eats. Here, take my earring. It's made of this coral…I don't need it anymore."

Dramatic music played.

_You've got the __**Coral Earring**__! Now you can catch some stinking fish that probably taste like sh_-

The random voice was cut off as Midna punched it with her ponytail.

"Uh…anyway…your name is Link…right?" Rallis asked awkwardly. "I had a vision of you from my dead mother…she's buried right here. And every time I look at you…I just think…"

Navi cast Link a strange look. "Hey! He's gay!"

Link hit her into the water.

"I just think…that I…" Rallis trailed off. "Nevermind. Just stop that beast!"

"Will do!" Link cheered, happy to escape the gay prince that reminded everyone a lot of Marth from Fire Emblem.

When they were safely away from Rallis, Link looked at his new earring. "This thing is _huge_! How did he manage to wear this?" He tried to replace one of his small purple hoop earrings with the new one. It pulled his head to one side and stretched his earlobe out. "OW!"

Midna rolled her eyes. "_Hdsioso udf ifudig dugui._"

"Oh, yeah, right! To the Zora Domain!" Link held his sword in the air heroically, the large earring still pulling his head to one side and making his neck hurt. Midna turned him into a wolf and they teleported.

Link crawled out of the water they had landed in and walked up to the empty Zora throne, an idea popping into his head. He sat down on the throne, the Zoras not really seeming to care.

"Hey, Midna! I'm king now!" Link barked.

"_So sitting in a throne and wearing a bizarre earring makes you king?_" Midna yawned.

"Yeah!" Link yipped happily. "Ok, Zoras! Fetch me some meat!"

The Zoras just gave him a funny look, unable to understand wolf. One of the younger ones in the pool shouted, "Puppy!"

Link sighed, getting off the throne. "Being king is boring. Let's go swimming!" He hopped into the water and got sucked away from the current with a long howl. He and Midna fell down twenty thousand feet of waterfall, screaming the entire way. They hit the water with a loud splash.

Link surfaced, paddling over towards two large rocks. That was when the earring gave a hard tug on his ear, nearly ripping it off. Then another tug. And another.

Link looked around wildly to see a ton of orangey red fish swarming him.

"AAAGH! MIDNA! THEY WANT MY BLOOD!" He howled, kicking fish away. One hopped into his mouth and he accidentally swallowed it.

Midna just sighed, watching the fish try to eat Link's earring. Eventually he escaped onto dry land, one still attached to the earring. It fell off and flopped around, a harsh, evil scent coming from it.

_You've learned the __**Reekfish Scent**__! Now you can track the beat-man from Snowpeak! It…reeks_…a voice said from nowhere.

Link rolled all over the place, crying and whining. "IT'S THE WORST SMELL I HAVE EVER SMELLED! OOOH, MY POOR SENSITIVE NOSE! I WILL NEVER SMELL AGAIN! THE SCENT'S LIKE A THOUSAND SKUNKS COMBINED WITH DEAD ORC THINGS AND PIGBUTT AND GANONDORF'S BODY ODOR!"

Midna just rolled her eyes. "_Drama queen_."

After Link stopped acting like a sissy, he turned back into a human and took the demented earring off and put it on his fishing pole. But somehow the fish could still sense it, and they leapt out of the water to find the food.

"AAAGH! NOOOO!" Link cried as the fish went down his tunic. He started laughing and crying at the same time.

Eventually it was all sorted out and they lived happily ever after.

** …Not. More Down Time on the way!**

** XxXxXxXx**


	5. Hey! I made snow cones!

** CHAPTER 5, Hey! I made snow cones!**

The way up to Snowpeak was long, cold and very life-threatening. More than once Link nearly fell off a thousand-foot tall cliff onto ice foxes and sharp, pointy rocks. Ice bats were also known to try to kill him. And the snow itself.

"AAAAGH!" Link cried as he slipped and slid down a cliff, becoming airborne for thirty seconds before slamming into a tree. Midna hurriedly gave him Red Potion before he died and they continued on.

After many years of toil, suffering and pain, they came to the top. Actually, it was more like a few hours. But it sure felt like years to the poor, half-frozen wolf and his companion.

"H…hey, Midna…there's a tree growing i…ice…" Link said, licking his frozen fur and freezing his tongue to his leg.

"Really." Midna sighed. "Come on. We need to reach the summit place or whatever. And get a Mirror Shard."

Link tried to unstuck his tongue but that was pretty much impossible. He cried as a wolf.

Midna grabbed his head and yanked, separating his tongue from his frozen fur. Actually, separating his tongue from his head. Oh, well. He never seemed to eat anyway during the game, besides Coro's **Terrible Crappy Soup**.

"OOOOH THE PAAAIN!"

It was then that a huge pile of snow beside the tree that grew ice moved. It wasn't snow…it was a yeti holding the biggest Reekfish ever seen ever. "Ooooh. Rare color of wolf. But wife need soup today."

Link ran up to the yeti and hid under its tail, trying to get warm. The yeti laughed. "You make good pet." Then he went back to cutting the scales off the creepy fish.

Link got warm and turned back into a human, going around to the front of the yeti, who freaked out.

"Oh! A human! You on spiritual journey? Find out who you are?"

"Yes…?" Link asked.

"Hahaha, you funny. Come back to house with me. I give you soup. Where did my wolf go?" He looked around. "Ah, whatever. Wife sick, so make soup. But you can have some." He kicked the ice tree and a snowboard of ice fell out and he sled away. "Follow!" He shouted.

"Ok, then…" Link rolled into the tree and another fell out. he then snowboarded down the long, long, long, long hill, hitting random things. At least he got a Rupee out of it! But it was all fun and games until he hit the wall and his snowboard broke.

"Now what?" he asked, looking at a bridge gap he needed to clear in order to follow the yeti. Midna shrugged.

Navi, who was flitting around annoyingly, freaked out. "HEY! LOOK OUT!"

They turned to see another yeti, this one a bit smaller and with long, jagged fangs. Its eyes were bloodred and its claws were long, curved and deadly. It began to close in on Link, its mouth only a few inches from his head…

"Welcome to the Himalay… I mean…Snowpeak!" He said happily. "Snow cone? It's lemon!"

Link passed out.

A bit later he woke up in the snow cone making yeti's cave, Midna and Navi still nearby. "They call me the abominable snowman! Can you believe that? I'm not a snowman! I'm a yeti!" The yeti said, he handed Link and Midna snow cones. "And yes, I broke the fourth wall from _Monsters Inc. _to get here."

"Ok, then…" Link said, watching Navi as she ate his snow cone for him.

"So what brings you here?"

"I need to find a Mirror Shard that we think is somewhere up here." Link said. "And we were suppost to be following another guy, but you showed up after I crashed…"

"Oh, he's my cousin! He's got a lovely wife…too bad she's sick right now, though."

Midna and Link exchanged glances.

"Anyway, sorry for holding you up. Here's another ice board thing. Hope you find your mirror!" The yeti handed Link another board of ice.

Soon they were sledding over the snow again at breakneck pace, heading for a blurry object in the distance.

"That was weird." Link muttered.

"_Ydis ifdo gifod._" Midna agreed.

As they drew closer, they realized that the blurry thing was a castle/mansion. It was totally epic. Link walked up to the door and entered to find the place nearly in ruins.

"_Hdiso dopfj Snowpeak Ruins._" Midna said.

"That explains it." Link said, entering a door directly in front of him.

In the room was the yeti's wife, who sent him on a lot of wild goose chases. Link found cheese(_"Cheese? What the heck? Maybe the mirror shard is IN it?" He wondered._), a pumpkin(_"Um…all right…they really need a pantry…"_) and other crap for her husband's soup.

After the yeti shoved Link to the floor and ripped off his Hero's garments to find the cheese in his pocket, they ended up with **Superb Soup**!

As Link drank a couple hundred bottles of it while the yeti's wife stitched up his clothes, Midna floated around the room trying to decide what to do. She finally took a candle and set fire to Link's underwear.

"AAAHOOAAA IT BURNZZZ!" Link screamed, running into the kitchen and sitting in the soup to put his underwear out. The yeti was not happy.

And that was how he got thrown out of the Snowpeak Ruins in only his undergarments.

** The end. It's happy. Not. More Down Time…YEY!**

** XxXxXxXx**


	6. Short Fuses

**CHAPTER 6**

**Short Fuses**

Link stood, overlooking the fire pit of death when he was suppost to be finding Mirror Shards. Midna had dragged him up to Death Mountain because they needed Rupees rather badly and she remembered that there were a lot in that place. They just wouldn't fit in Link's stupid, goddess forsaken wallet.

"Do I have to?" Link whimpered.

Midna nodded, giving him a death glare. "_Dios._"

Link shut his eyes and walked across the metal platform thing, feeling his boots melting underneath him. Not a good feeling, of course. He began hopping around, his feet blistering.

"AAAOAAA IT BURNZZ!"

Midna told him to stop being a drama queen before she slapped him into the fire and laughed as he drowned in lava. Link trudged on, trying to ignore the fires. Also he was burning up because his Hero garments were not made for hot weather/Goron Mines. He made it to a mini cliff thing and took a break.

"_Really?_" Midna asked flatly. "_Jdos idoju idio?_"

"It's…soooo…hot…" Link panted.

That was about when a slug fell from the roof, on fire and determined to set Link on fire too. He leapt up and screamed like a girl, swinging the Master Sword everywhere. The slug was cut in two and exploded into a Rupee.

"Why did it explode?" Link asked worriedly.

"_Ask NINTENDO._" Midna was really picking up on the English.

Link shrugged and took the Rupee, continuing on. They made it to another little platform thingy, where a large, alligator fire-breathing salamander that thought it was a flamethrower was. Link ran away from it, screaming. He finally jumped onto its tail, gripping it and freaking out because that was the only place he wouldn't get fried.

The alligator thing rolled over, getting stuck on its back and breathing fire everywhere. Link rolled away and dug his sword into its tail, hearing a satisfying death scream as it died…and exploded…into a blue Rupee.

_You've found a __**Blue Rupee**__! It's worth __**Five**_! That bizarre, mysterious voice said out of nowhere.

"Hey, bizarre, mysterious voice…Can you tell me where to find more money? Or a pool of water?" Link panted.

_I'm sorry, I don't talk to __**morons**__ freely_.

Link shoved his hands in his pockets and continued on, majorly annoyed. Navi wasn't helping by yelling at the voice for a full twenty minuets.

"Hey! Hey! Voice! Hey! Listen! I hate you! You suck! Hey! Hey! Listen! Go get a life! Hey! Hey! Hey! A Hero's life is hard! Hey! Listen! Listen!"

"SHUT THE HELL-O UP, STUPID FAIRY!" Link yelled, putting Navi in a bottle.

So he and Midna continued on in peace. That is, until they encountered two flamethrower alligators.

Link threw himself on one of their tails, taking his sword and stabbing the other in its butt at the same time. Then the alligator thing exploded, leaving the one he was using as a means of safety. It flipped over twice, throwing him off. Link scrambled away from it as it let loose a stream of fire at his backside.

"HEEELP! MIDNA!" He yelled as his back caught fire.

Midna sat on a rock and facepalmed, embarrassed by the poor kid chosen by the goddesses on a freak accident.

Link finally managed to slay the other lizard, and it too exploded in Rupees. "Hurray! Do we have enough yet, Midna?"

"_No._" Midna said, trying to get him to shut up for two seconds…there was an odd noise that sounded a lot like hissing…

"What's that?" Link heard it too.

Midna tracked the noise, reasoning it was coming somewhere behind Link. But nothing was there. Yet the noise was still coming from him. "_Yueo disof jsioui?_"

"Maybe something got into my bag…" Link opened his items bag and looked inside. A look of dread came over his face before all thirty of his bombs blew up, propelling his bag down into the lava and sending him crashing into the wall, where a Link-shaped hole was left.

Maybe those lizards lit his bag on fire as revenge. Maybe they weren't as dumb as they originally thought. Midna threw that thought aside and retrieved Link from the wall, then getting as close to the lava as she dared to save his stuff.

**XxXxXxXx**

"Whew…at least my horse whistle is still safe." Link used his fishing pole to reel the charm in. "Ilia gave this to me, you know. I'm glad…and a bit surprised…all this crap didn't melt right away."

"_Udosu fuido iaofg_." Midna said, stating it was a glitch and NINTENDO should be more careful with game making.

Link caught his Gale Boomerang and then stood up, all items recovered. "Now that that's over, let's go!"

They wondered down deeper into the mines. All the while, the air got hotter and hotter until Link practically began shedding clothes to avoid heatstroke. Midna rolled her eyes and Navi just yelled about suffocation and how the inside of the bottle she was stuffed into was like a oven. Everyone ignored her. They found chests that contained many Rupees, and soon Link's wallet was filling up again.

They came to the core of the mines, where the air was practically one billion degrees. Link was sweating a waterfall, only wearing his hat and shorts. His other clothes were in his bag. He glanced around the room they had entered, spotting a chest that hadn't been opened yet.

He pulled it open and fear filled his face.

_You've got the __**Bombs**__! But watch out, they may __**explode**__! It's so hot in here that the air could __**ignite their fuses**__ and_-

BOOOOM!

A little too late, voice. But thanks anyway.

"Ok…that's it…teleport me to Snowpeak…" Link gasped, burned and dying of dehydration.

Midna did that.

**XxXxXxXx**

"Hey, I made more snow cones!"

"I'LL TAKE ONE!" Link shouted, grabbing a snow cone from the yeti and eating it in two bites. "OOOH, SWEET RELIEF!"

"Say, why are you only wearing a hat and underwear?" The yeti asked. "This is Snowpeak, for crying out loud. You're going to catch your death."

"I just came from the Goron Mines…" Link groaned, rolling around in the snow.

"Oh, in that case, nevermind." The yeti shrugged.

"My bombs all blew up on me because of the heat…" Link continued, melting the snow he rolled around in because his skin was a billion degrees from the mines.

"I feel sorry for you." The yeti shrugged again.

"Me too."

"Want to come back to my place and eat more snow cones?"

"Sure!"

**XxXxXxXx**

**Haha, it sucks. Oh well. **

**Thanks to Person9999999999 for the idea for this chap!**

**XxXxXxXx**


	7. Link in Park

**CHAPTER 7**

**Link in Park**

Link was lounging at a beach in swim trunks, reclined on a green towel. He wore large black sunglasses and sunscreen that was smeared all over his face. And he was currently oblivious to the sand balls that Midna and Navi were holding.

"AAACK!" He gagged when they jammed them in his mouth. He jumped up, tripped over a sand castle, and faceplanted in the waves, which washed him out to sea.

Midna and Navi laughed so hard they almost inhaled a butterfly as it passed by. Link crawled out of the water, ticked off and covered in dirt and other crap from the sea. He pulled a squid off his face and stared down his two evil companions. "What was that for?"

Midna just snickered. "_Hdos fjuodo loaio!_"

"Well, you could have ruined my awesome thing from the goddesses!" Link pointed next to the beach towel, where a strangle little box with buttons was. He picked it up along with two strings with bulbs on the end, putting the bulbs in his ears and humming something.

"_Quѐ?_" Midna asked.

"I don't know. But it just fell out of the Heavens. And it's awesome! There's music in it!"

He handed Midna a bulb, where she had difficulty getting it in her large, not-human shaped ear. But there was indeed music coming from the box.

_I bleed it out!_

_Diggen' deeper just to throw it away!_

_I bleed it out!_

_Diggen' deeper just to throw it away!_

_Just to throw it away!_

_Just to throw it away!_

_I bleed it out_!

"_Diosfo_?" She asked.

"I don't know. But it's awesome!"

Meanwhile, up in Cloud City—I mean, the Sacred Realm place thingy— Din was looking disapprovingly at the Author standing next to her.

"Oops," The Author muttered. "I dropped my iPod. But it was an accident."

_You have to get it_. Din said. _There's no way I'm going down there to talk to that moron again_.

The Author sighed. "Fine. But don't blame me if people end up dead over my iPod…"

_No one will be harmed in the retrieval of this object_! Din roared. _Or there will be consequences_!

"Fine. Fine…" The Author said, going to the elevator that would lead down to Hyrule. It was very convenient. "See ya soon, Grouchy."

Meanwhile, Link and Midna were enjoying their music box thingy, and Navi was yelling at them…as usual.

"Hey! Hey! I want to listen! Hey! I want a turn! Hey! Listen! I want to listen too!"

"SHUT THE HELL-O UP, STUPID FAIRY!" Link shouted.

Navi shut up. It was a good day.

"Hey, what you got there?"

Link spun around at the sudden noise to see the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She had large black glasses on her face, long blackish brown hair in a ponytail, and she was dressed in black. He stared, his mouth falling open.

"Hand over the iPod and no one gets hurt." She growled, holding up three ninja stars in her hand.

"Who're you? I'm Link…you're pretty…" Link stuttered, completely ignoring the ninja stars. "Want to listen to my music box with me?"

"Hand it over."

He handed her an earphone and she took it, yanking the headphones out of the jack and causing loud music to reign over the beach.

_What I've done!_

_I'll face myself,_

_To cross out what I've become!_

_Erase myself,_

_And let go of whaaaat I'veeee dooooone!_

A lot of people stopped to stare.

The ninja girl made a wide swipe at the music box, but Link backed up in surprise at the sudden music, completely oblivious to her want of it. "Wow! This thing is awesome!"

"HAND IT OVER!"

"I've got to show Zelda! Want to come, pretty ninja girl?"

Ninja girl facepalmed. "My name is GhostKing. And HAND OVER MY iPOD!"

"Hey! Hey! He never will now! Hey! He has to show Zelda first!" Navi said annoyingly. GhostKing hit her out of the sky with a ninja star.

She then chased after Link, determined to get her iPod back before something terrible happened that was even worse than what was just described.

**XxXxXxXx**

"Move aside, guards! I have technology from the future from the goddesses to show Zelda!" Link declared happily as some guards held him up.

"Um…we have another nut here…call in backup…" one of the soldiers whispered to the other, who ran off quickly.

"No, look! It's awesome! It plays music stuff!" Link said, holding the iPod up to the guard's ear.

_So give me reason,_

_To prove me wrong!_

_To wash this memory clean!_

_Let the floods cross,_

_The distance in your eyes!_

_Across this New Divide!_

"Well, that IS interesting…" The guard said thoughtfully.

Then the other guard came back with a ton of backup. They surrounded Link with spears. "Come with us, please. 'Zelda' is waiting…" One said sarcastically.

"More like a psycho house." Another snickered, but Link didn't notice.

So he skipped off with them, music box in hand.

And then a ninja star came flying out of nowhere, nearly cutting off his fingers and making him drop the music box. Ninja girl/GhostKing from earlier did an epic roll and caught the iPod before it hit the ground, springing up and landing in a tree.

"HEY! SHE STOLE MY MAGICAL BOX!" Link shouted. "KILL HER! KILL HER UNTIL SHE'S DEAD!"

"Mission accomplished." GhostKing muttered, finding an elevator to the Sacred Realm in the tree and disappearing magically.

Link was left standing there sadly. "But I loved that thing…"

**XxXxXxXx**

Back to the beach.

Link was lounging at a beach in swim trunks again, reclined on a green towel…again. He wore large black sunglasses and sunscreen that was smeared all over his face…again. And he was currently noticing the sand balls that Midna and Navi were holding.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" He ducked out of the way. "Watch it! You could have destroyed my magic mirror!"

"_Magic mirror?_" Midna snickered.

"Yeah! Ninja girl/GhostKing dropped it when she was stealing my music box! Look! It's awesome!" He held it up for them to watch. Words filled the screen. _Star Wars_.

**Meanwhile, up in the Sacred Realm**…

"HE'S GOT MY iTOUCH?" GhostKing roared. "HOW?"

_You dropped it_. Nayru reminded her, annoyed to no end.

"This means I have to get that from him too, right?" GhostKing sighed.

_Get out there_. Farore pushed her to the elevator.

"I don't get paid enough." GhostKing muttered.

**XxXxXxXx**

**Thank you to MelissaMachine5000 for the music idea that I let get out of hand...on purpose! (Not really...I just went on a sugar high...)**

**And thus, this is the end of Down Time 4. I'm sure a lot of you are sad. I am too. I loved this series…maybe it will be continued as Down Time 5? I dunno…keep a lookout for it. Reviews are appreciated, and suggestions. Suggestions for more down time crap so I can keep the series alive!**

**UNO MORE ANNOUNCEMENT! Another chapter may be coming! Suggestion sent in by XxDarkLinkLoverxX, go see suggestion in one of my reviews somewhere...you'll get excited! But there's a short wait of a week before it's posted on here!**

**Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

**Lordoftheghostking28.**

**(PS: REVIEW OR I WILL SEND PIGBUTT AFTER YOU!)**


	8. Some things never change

** BONUS CHAP INSPIRED BY XxDarkLinkLoverxX**

** Remember how I said you may have to wait a week to get the final chapter? Well, I lied! I had nothing to do, so this was typed up in about two hours! **

** So there has been a request for Down Time in the 21****st**** century; or fighting Ganon in 2012, or something along those lines. So here it is, bonus chap and awesomeness rolled into one!**

** BONUS CHAP: some things never change.**

It was a perfect day. The sun was shining and Link was eating ice cream. He ignored Navi as she screamed at him and Midna as she tried to steal his ice cream. The goddesses were smiling down on America that day.

But of course, you're probably wondering how he got there in the first place. So I, the Author, will explain.

It goes a bit like this:

** BEGIN TRANSMISSION**!

"HOLY CRUD, MIDNA! LOOK!"

*Portal opens under Zant's dead body*

"I'M BEING SUCKED IN! HELP! NOOOOO!"

"_DHSOF JFODP JFODNIO!_"

"HEY! HEY! NOOOO! LISTEN! SAVE YOUR FAIRY!"

*Explosion*

** END TRANSMISSION**!

And there you have it. That's what happened.

But Link was pretty cool with it all. The portal dumped him somewhere in the future in this place called 'Texas'. 'Texas' was awesome. They had ice cream.

Link had changed out of his Hero's clothes into some things called 'jeans' and a green 'T-shirt'. They were pretty comfy. He wore a green 'baseball cap' and some really nice, comfortable leather shoes. Midna sulked in his shadow most of the time and Navi had to stay in his pocket or a mass riot would begin…as they found out the hard way.

The only downside to this whole new world was the fact that Ganondorf was undoubtedly there too. He had caused this rift in time by putting that curse on Zant somehow. And just the thought of the King of Evil roaming around the future disturbed Link greatly. But of course, he was a Hero. So of course he would be able to defeat him.

Link still carried around the Master Sword, but it was tucked away in a backpack. He had a small handheld 'pistol' that he normally had within reach at all times, determined that it would do more damage to Ganon than his sword at long range. Besides, he had wicked aim with his Hero's Bow…why should a 'pistol' be any different?

Link finished his ice cream and began wondering around the city. He had tracked Ganondorf to this point in 'Texas', but he could be in disguise. Link hardly recognized himself whenever he looked in a mirror anymore; Ganondorf probably felt the same way. If that was the case, this cat-and-mouse game could last a while.

"Hey! Why don't you just become an undercover detective?" Navi suggested from his pocket.

"Not a bad idea…if I don't get teleported back to Hyrule after I destroy him, then that's what I'll do." Link decided. "Good money in that job, right?"

Down on the sidewalk, his shadow shrugged.

Link continued on his way until something caught his eye. "You! Stop!"

A dark man with unnaturally red hair turned, pulling up a hood over his head and walking quickly in the opposite direction. Link reached for his pistol, dodging between people and muttering quick, "Sorrys" to everyone.

He came to an alley, trash bins lining the brick walls. A cat sat on top of one, licking its paw and casting him a green-eyed stare. Link moved with hardly a sound, trying to hear where the man had gone.

Something hit him in the back and he sprawled out on the ground, pistol clattering nearby a wall. He rolled out of the way as a strong fist crashed into the pavement next to him, cracking it slightly. He pulled himself away from the attacker, spinning and unsheathing the Master Sword from his pack.

It was the man he was chasing. And it was indeed, a future version of Ganondorf.

His hair was still back in that weird braid thing, but it had grown longer and ended in a short ponytail. He wore black pants and a black hoodie, making his devilish eyes gleam evilly. His teeth caught the light and glinted back. "Haven't seen you in a while." He growled.

"Same. I hoped you got caught by the police by now." Link growled back. "How have you been making a living? Stealing things, King of Thieves?"

"These security advancements are as advanced as potted plants! It's been easy getting what I need…and want. How's it been going for you, _Hero_?"

"Pretty fine." Link hissed. "Enough talk. I'm ready to go back to Hyrule now."

"Why? You've got nothing there. And without you there to save your beloved princess, she's long gone by now." Ganondorf sneered, drawing out a blade radiating a purple glow. "Bring it on."

Link charged, swinging his sword this way and that, dodging Ganondorf's blows and countering with his own. They both weren't showing signs of tiring, even when a crowd began to form.

"Is this a movie?" One of them asked.

"I don't see any camera people." Another responded.

Link ignored them and focused on defeating his enemy. Ganondorf did the same, slashing this way and that. Midna darted out of Link's shadow and latched herself onto Ganon's head, tearing at his hair and slamming her tiny imp fists into his eyes, screaming battle cries the entire time. Navi flew around his head, screaming, "HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! YOU SUCK! HEY! HEY! HEY!"

A huge mob of people had arrived, pushing their way into the alley to watch the action. Many of them were stunned, many more were convinced this was dark magic, in which they were sort of right. Link rolled out of the way of Ganondorf's blade and struck him in the back.

The crowd gasped, horrified. But they didn't move from where they were watching.

Ganondorf lashed out, catching Link on his left cheek and ripping a long gash on his face. He ignored it, whipping his blade up to meet his nemesis'. They pushed hard on the blades, trying to get the other to give in and have their opponent's blade imbedded in their face. Link ducked out of the way, where Ganon's sword struck the pavement and stuck firmly.

Another hit to the back. Ganondorf still couldn't get the sword out of the ground. Link spun around wildly, trying to find his fallen pistol. He made a wild dive towards it. In the background, Ganondorf has finally freed his sword and has come running at him…

Link grabbed his pistol, flipped over onto his back and stabbed with the Master Sword in his right hand and shot the pistol with his left. The moment the bullet left the gun and the sword stabbed out was the longest moment of Link's life.

"Hey…hey…Link…look." Navi finally said, not annoyingly.

"_Ydisyu fjido._" Midna whispered.

Link opened his eyes that he never knew he closed. Ganondorf had taken a few steps backwards, the Master Sword's hilt sticking out of his stomach and a few gunshot wounds on his left arm. "You haven't won yet, Link…" he growled.

"_Is that SO?_" Midna said forcefully, the three Fused Shadows circling her head and latching onto the one she used as a mask. She grew into a giant spider thingy and HULK SMASHED him into the ground. A couple of the people on the sidelines cheered.

_ Hey_…

Midna turned back into her imp self, looking at what remained of Ganondorf and keeping small children away at the same time. "_Hdiso fidoj._"

_ Hey, Link…_!

"Well, we did it!" Link cheered. "Now…why isn't that portal opening?"

_ LINK_!

Link sat bolt upright in his bed, looking around. "Where am I?"

"Hey! Your house!" Navi said. "You were dreaming! Hey!"

"Oh…it was such a good dream, though! We went to the future and fought Ganondorf in a land called Texas!" Link said. "And we won!"

Midna rolled her eyes and reminded him of what they needed to be doing, which would be getting up and facing the day.

"Ok, fine…" Link growled, pulling his socks on.

And they went fourth to fight evil things and free princesses.

** XxXxXxXx**

** Ok…yeah. That was sort of lame for me…more adventure and not enough laughs…sorry. Hope you liked it anyway. I tried. And so that concludes ****Down Time 4****.**

** Reviews are appreciated!**

** Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

** Lordoftheghostking28**


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